As some of you know, I’ve created a ‘Chitter-Chatter‘ series where we can talk about book related topics.
If you have missed previous posts, we are still talking about:
- To-Be-Read lists and how to manage them
- Reading Challenges and how to feel comfortable at failing them
- and how to feel better during Reading Slumps
In today’s Chitter-Chatter series, I would like to chat about why we find blogging enjoyable. I will explore the topic of personal values to help us understand.
A lot of coaching starts with exploring our values. Coaches believe that it is important to know them as they represent our core beliefs. They are our base and define who we are.
It is important to keep in mind that there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ values. For example, if family is a strong value of mine and my friend’s value is career, I may think of some of her choices as strange as they may go against my own value. This is when we can potentially get into conflict with others as our values may be clashing.
Knowing our values is also helpful in terms of being able to understand why we feel certain way. Susan David in her book Emotional Agility talks about emotions, that we sometimes perceive as ‘negative’, as actually being valuable to us. Those emotions can give us useful insights about what’s important in our lives and what our values are.
For example, let’s say someone cuts me off in traffic and I get angry. Rather than beating myself up for reacting that way, I can just pause and tell myself: “of course, I’m angry, respect is a value of mine and I feel it’s just been breached by that ‘disrespectful’ behaviour”. Side note: it’s not a fact that the behaviour was disrespectful, it was my opinion, but it helped me understand why I felt the way I did. The next step would be then to examine why I saw that behaviour as disrespectful and if I would like to change my opinion or if I’m happy with keeping it as it is. There is nothing wrong with keeping it as it is by the way. We are all entitled to have opinions!
I believe we all deep down know our values, but we haven’t named them yet, so they may still be a bit unclear to us.
I find helpful asking myself questions such as ‘what do I love doing’, ‘when do I feel content’ or ‘what makes me angry’ and so on. And when I notice my emotions, I can dig deeper to find what values are possibly behind them.
How does that relate to blogging?
We have different reasons why we blog, mostly because our values are not identical.
For example, if my value is creativity, I will blog regardless if I have followers, likes, comments etc. Because the act of writing honours that value of creativity. However, if my value is recognition, my motives will be different and I will find promotion of my work important.
We normally have many values and how we perceive them can sometimes present an internal value conflict.
For example, if both creativity and recognition are my values, they may cause me an inner tension as creativity wants me to spend time creating and recognition wants me to spend time promoting my work. They may argue over my time. When I recognise I have these values, I can divide my time so they both get my attention and I feel aligned with them. I could say I’ll spend x amount of time this week writing and y amount of time promoting my work. Or I could also change the way I look at promoting my blog in general. If I know I love being creative, I can see marketing as a creative process and acknowledge that I am honouring both of these values at once. It’s important to notice and name our values as that may help us shift our perspective.
The reasons I enjoy blogging is that it honour these values of mine:
- Creativity – it’s fundamental that I create. If I don’t write, I must take photos, garden, draw, read (it’s considered creative due to imagination we use whilst reading), sing, bake, cook, dance… I just need to make stuff. If I don’t, I get super grumpy.
- Connection / Love / Generosity – I group these together as I see them as one. I want to connect. I love people and blogging has enabled me to meet some wonderful peeps. I guess I could be writing posts just for the sake of my creativity but without that connection, it would feel less satisfying.
For me, connection doesn’t necessary relate to my blog. I am happy to visit others’ blogs and connect that way. Via doing so, I am sort of removing an external condition that people must read my blog for me to connect with them. Please don’t feel you have to visit my blog if I ever comment at yours. I am honestly commenting because I love your post!
But equally, please don’t feel that I don’t appreciate if you do comment on my blog. It means a lot to me and I am thankful for all those sweet and kind people who have commented so far. I appreciate every one of you. ❤
- Authenticity– it’s extremely important to me to stay true to myself and to my values. I am not everybody’s cup of tea and that’s absolutely fine. Dita Von Teese once famously said: “you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”. 😉 I want to write my opinions. And I am more than happy to have them challenged… but I won’t be writing reviews to please people nor will I read genre I have zero interest in to attract traffic.
- Curiosity – I swear that one gets me more often into trouble that it actually serves me! My favourite word is why and I was one of those nightmare kids who would always ask questions and would never get satisfied with the ‘that’s the way it is’ answer. My poor parents had to constantly answer questions of: ‘why is the grass green’, ‘why is this man angry’, ‘why does this person need two seats’.. I wasn’t a mean child, I wanted to understand. And because I’m curious, I love analysing books. I want to get to know characters and understand their motives. When writing critical reviews, my curiosity is blissfully happy.
- Growth – It sort of goes hand in hand with curiosity. I don’t feel I need to change but I still crave growing and evolving. If a book has a character that doesn’t grow, I lose interest. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to grow by the way, it’s just something that is personally important to me.
I also feel that I’m growing when I read positive reviews of books I personally didn’t enjoy reading that much.
Curiosity wants to know why these opinions are different, generosity enables me to keep an open mind and growth gets satisfied when I understand those different opinions. 🙂
These are not the only values of mine, but I find them fundamental when I’m blogging. When I’m honouring them, I am content and happy to carry on. I am still figuring my values, please don’t feel bad if you don’t know yours yet. It is a process which doesn’t happen overnight.
If you know your values, your list may be very different to mine – and that’s ok! I appreciate how different we all are – it makes this world such an interesting place to live in.
Just before I wrap up, I want to tell you a story. A few years ago, I had an Instagram and Twitter accounts that related to rock climbing. I love taking photos and initially really enjoyed honouring this creative outlet of mine. My followers’ numbers grew, and I was getting more and more likes. And I’m not going to lie to you: it felt initially great. But then it somehow stopped feeling good and I started seeing it more as a chore. I thought long and hard about why my perspective shifted. I think my problem was that I wasn’t taking photos for me but rather for my audience. That started going against my value of authenticity. I also started neglecting connections as I was not fully present with others whilst thinking about what photo to take during my time with them. And it didn’t feel good. Once I started understanding my values, I also started understanding why I felt the way I did.
I’m sharing my experience not to preach my values. I’m sharing it as an example to demonstrate how knowing our values can help us understand ourselves better.
I believe that we feel good not because what our values are, but rather because we are aware of them and are aligned with them.
It’s time to chat.
- Do you understand your values? (I’m still working mine out so don’t feel bad if you don’t, you are not alone!)
- If you do, what values of yours relate to your blogging?
Please let me know in the comments below, I am dying to know… (that curiosity again…!)
PS. I am not judging anybody who has different values, please keep that in mind if you feel a bit scared or intimidated! ❤